Poetry by Carol © copyright 1986-2005

Imaginings fanciful?
Maybe so,
but life is one continuous flow.
Whether or not it begins on Earth,
Imaginings become the birth of life;
life you meet now, or life you meet then
either way, you meet again.
For your life is held in beautiful dreams
beyond your control
waiting to unfold,
into a story
that begs to be told.

You Will See

Don't look too close,
You will see through the tears
that hide disappointments,
inactions, and fears.

Don't look too close,
you will see the all the haste
that led to so much
thoughtlessness
and waste.

Don’t look too close,
you will see all the pain,
and years of self-doubt,
of stress, and of strain.

Don't look too close,
you will see all the pride
that caused many heartaches,
and loves, to have died.

Don't look too close
you will see the lies,
though told to protect,
gave cause to despise.

Don't look too close
you will see all the grief
caused by suffering
beyond your belief

Don’t look too close,
you may not like what you see.
Don't look too close,
I am afraid you'll see me.

Only the sanguine and seemingly mystical tones
of Carlos Santana
saves me from the inner diatribe
and leads me to the divine;
away from a recondite life
that is testament to my physicality,
my fragility,
and your frailty,
allowing me to transcend
your pallid lineaments
so mutable and strangely omnipotent
were I am concerned
though now a millstone
as sepulchral as the imprecate yell of the demented
a testament to our mortality
and the alchemy of a mystic-directioned compass
guiding me with its wisdom
away from the likes of you.

Hello

The eyes that follow me
the smile that greats me
belong to you
the hands that caress me
the heart that loves me
the arms that hold me
all belong to you
The strength I call upon
the support I get
the trust I am given
all belong to you.
The head that I caress
as you sleep upon my breasts
belongs to you.
I am rich with all the love
your pour my way
I really would like to,
really would love to,
meet you,
and reciprocate someday.

Like A Woman I'll Love You

So all belongs to you it seems
I hope someday to face my dreams.
Don't let fear stop your touch
I need to feel it very much.
I will not abuse your careful love
so fragile in its caution
yet so deserving of its freedom.
Like a delicate flower I will nurture you,
live a helpless child - I will feed you
like a gentle breeze - I will caress you
like a butterfly - I will set you free.
and, only like a woman can,
When I find you - Forever will I love you

Love came today
but it didn't stay
because I looked at you,
and gave it away.
Hurt came today
and clutched at my heart
as though we had never
spent time apart.
Tears came today
and ran down my cheek
constricting my throat
so I could not speak
Pain came again today
though it promised not to stay
it steadfastly refuses
to go on it's away.
Memories came today
and played with my mind
causing regret for what I'd left behind.
Wonder came to day
and weighed on my chest
then left when I recalled
what we liked to do best.
Rain came today,
soaking my skin
without regard for what,
whom, or where, I had been.
Clouds came today
and blocked out the sun
before moving on..
and taking the fun.
A Butterfly came today
and as I watched it land,
Suddenly, I know
and I understand.
Peace came today
and with it came wealth,
because I began to reveal
and love my true Self.

Work has been heavy,
can't get away
from the dreams of the night
in the cold light of day.
Phones, people, voices
driving me mad,
on top of the loss
of the love that we had.
But you couldn't give me
what I needed most,
so I took a holiday
and went to the coast.

Head has been dizzy,
crazy for you,
heart has been bleeding,
broken in two.
Had to find something
different to do.
Had to find anything
to exorcise your ghost,
so I took a holiday
and went to the coast

Tears I've been crying,
holding back years.
So wasted.
So lonely.
So full of fears.
I brought them all with me.
I didn't have a choice.
I can still see you glaring
when I wanted your voice
to tell me you needed me,
and wanted me there,
but you stubbornly willed
yourself not to care.
Why the hell did it take you all of a year
to tell me the things
that I wanted to hear
while I was still with you,
don't tell me it's fear
because I'd never hurt you
I wouldn't know how.
that is something you do to yourself - even now;
so I gave up on the years,
and then closed my ears
to the only surviving memories;
of threats that you hurled,
and I took a holiday..
I traveled the world.

Wonderful Man

Can you describe him?
Who?
The person you were in love with.
No, not really.
Can you try?
What? To touch the sky?
catch a shooting star as it flies by?
or to watch the moon
bathing in a celestial lagoon?

Do you think you might?
What? explain how his light
held me eternally tight
not just on waking,
but every night?

But you said he was your Tower...
Yes, he was my tower
of absolute strength,
but he held me at length
as I helplessly watched him fall prey
to all that was grey
then take me there with him...
I had to get away
so I left - still loving him,
to save my heart
from breaking in two
as I fell apart.
Describe him to you?
No, I don’t think I can
except to say that I knew him
when he was a wonderful man,

But you said you would never leave him...
And I never did
How could I leave someone
who resided within me?
love never dies
you move on to better love.
Though I won't know again
the person that's buried
beneath all that pain.
I no longer feel any sorrow
only a happy awe at a future unknown.

Describe him to you?
No, I don't think I can,
except to say
that I once knew the soul
of a wonderful man.

Letting Go.
It hurts inside.
It hurts to move on,
and leave behind favorite places,
and people who you really believed
would follow,
could follow,
and had the same strength as you.
Letting go.
Here it comes again.
Moving forward,
ignoring pain,
like flying
were the exhilaration
by far outweighs the fear.
Letting go
is moving forward,
though the purpose isn't always clear.
Trust we are told.
Ha!
sometimes we find excuses -
why trust something we don't know?
Can't see?
Can't feel?
Still, we trust
and let go.
God help me.
Here I go.
I'm letting go again.

Who are you behind my Self?
that dwells silently,
waiting to be known,
to be noticed
amidst the madness and noise,
the activity and confusion?
Observing all,
yet unable to guide and advise
until I find a way to listen,
to speak your language;
that silent method of communication
that works for us both
in our singular duality of existence.
You, who are the wisdom of my lifetimes,
the experience of my soul,
my long lost intuition,
so needed at times,
so desperate to be involved -
yet patient beyond my concept of patience.
Understanding all and feeding me intuitively,
part of my inner beauty
and the wholeness of my soul.
Yet I question why I am your window to the world.
Will I let you down?
No, not knowingly.
For I feel only love and relief that loneliness
is now a thing of the past.
I have my soul at my side
with its infinite experience and love as my guide,
I have lifetimes of knowledge to recall.
Since the dawn of time I've had it all.
With myself as my trusted friend,
without beginning or end.

Here in my arms,
you are mine for a while.
it's heaven on earth
for hours I smile.
you are handsome, funny,
refreshing, gentle,
and kind.
A rare combination
and quite hard to find
these days
when love is an old fashioned
thing of the past
and relationships
don't seem to last anymore.
It's dawn,
the sun shines high
we say goodbye
who knows
if we will ever share
such a beautiful moment
again

Hollow lives pieced together over time
though physically sick from pain and grief,
and the realisation of a childhood lost
never able to be regained.
No history, no roots, no records
only a need to belong
a need to be wanted
a need to feel worth,
all tell-tale signs of abuse
that leak through,
staining lives,
like leaves on concrete
unable to be removed
despite the hard work
and elbow grease of therapy.
An anger soul-deep,
and so shockingly common.
Survivors strive for dreams too
only to have them marred by the memories,
discolored by the despair
but buoyed by strength,
by courage and self love
that is learned the hard way,
the way of survivors.

Love transcends time
and unifies all
releases all fears
heeds to your call.
How powerful forgiveness is
How thrilling Real Time.
How humbling the knowledge
that love transcends time.

You showed me love in what you did,
not in what you promised or said,
but I didn't really understand
and needed to hear it instead.
Pity the one who relies on words
when actions say it all.
You showed love in all you did
but I couldn't see at all.

Self-love, the highest form of love
I know, I've learned it well,
like knowing that the stars above
connect to each and every cell.
Like the petals of the dew-touched rose
brushed against a heart
the day that love appears in life
and becomes a vital part.

Look into my eyes
it's fate-inspired, like morning
when stars are fading in the skies
our day begins its dawning.
I will feel it in the instant
that your soul looks into mine,
and it will never leave me
regardless space or time.
It's like a kind of knowing
that we'll always be as one
until the last star stops its glowing
and the final setting sun.
So I touch you in my mind each day
and each night gaze upon your star
because I know love wins through regardless,
no matter where we are.

TO BM

To me you once were beautiful
I could see it when we met
The fountain danced behind you
But it didn’t get you wet
I knew we would be lovers
When I looked into your eyes
But I feel the same about you now
As I feel when someone dies

You wooed me with a passion,
Fun, and your strangely haughty air
For a time we were inseparable
Through all that we could share
But you couldn’t give beyond the smiles
And the things that money buys
I feel the same about you now
As I feel when someone dies

My heart was slowly broken
And my love torn at the seams
I heard it as you slept in my arms
And cried out in your dreams
Self-denial and subterfuge,
You are a master of disguise
I feel the same about you now
As I feel when someone dies

But whatever it is you really want
You won’t find it were you go
There’s nothing there but broken dreams
It’s where broken people go
I’ve left the space that you filled Once
Filled with all your lies
I feel the same about you now
As I feel when someone dies

It takes immense love and courage
To push someone past their pain
Because one of you loses everything
While the other, everything to gain
Get up and walk the path you were meant
A path scattered with your dreams
Not morbid fears and actions based
In past misdeeds and might-have-beens
One day when you look back
You will see the pain it caused for me
How much courage it took
and what it really cost to set your spirit free
But is won’t change the damage done
By your fickleness and lies
Because I feel the same about you now
As I feel when someone dies.

Another year has been and gone
still, we fight, we carry on
although we try, we cannot hide
emotions such as fear and pride
quiet days, hectic nights
fast cars, clothes and city lights
capturing our mortal souls
methods used to fire our goals
but make it quick, make it fast
some say a break just cannot last
a job is a future in this day and age
of material nothings, of earning a wage
so if you are working, spare a thought
for those who can't although they're taught

How come you tried to hurt me
how come you thought you could
how come you never told me
how come I thought you should
If love is meant to be as painful
as this now feels to me
how come you let it happen
how come you let it be?

I never thought that I
would have to be the one,
to instigate and investigate
the way you carry on,
or to synchronize
with all your lies
in order to break free.
I can't believe you did it
and lied so much to me,
but your loss will be much greater
than it could ever be for me,
because I release you and us;
withdraw my self; maintain my dignity,
I withdraw the essence of myself
to alone pursue my real destiny

I love how you challenge me
inside and out
how you help me to know
or how to find out
who the real me is.
You have wisdom and ability
tempered with reality and humility
I love how you treat me,
and help me to see
the person inside
the outside part of me.
I love how we talk
and how you don't mind such a lot
that things you remember
are the things I forgot
or how stuff I might break
you know is only a part
of the illusion
and not nearly as fragile
as the head and the heart
I love the gift you give to me
each and every day
unconditional love
in every single way

Only for you could I do what I do
For the love of it all
and the love of you
Stepping forward, gently pushing
Then suddenly, racing, soaring, rushing
Not scared anymore
When new energies unfold
As I find my new roar
And life begins to unfold
The stepping stones of love
Come in many a guise
From the small or the tall
to the lowly or wise
and suddenly you quietly smile;
smiles so persistent
they break through like sun’
and a face once rigid
now radiates fun.
The dance of freedom
Is well worth the wait
Freedom from physical
Worries and weight
I am light with love
And free as a bird
As I soar through my life
Suddenly heard.

I cry for the lost and the lonely
I cry for the stolen years
My soul cries inside in silence
when I can't cry out loud or with tears

I can't take back what was taken
nor erase, or return to relive it
I can't fix, understand or mistake it
or ever completely forgive it.

What was once broken remains broken
what was feared still sometimes make me afraid
Things unsaid remain unspoken
painful scars of a trust now betrayed.

No choice but time-limited choices
of the options left after despair
no choice but to be a survivor
instead of a victim of theirs.

Still, the music of Life keeps on playing
and the love fights hard to survive
as the day-steps clear the depression
I can thank God that I'm still alive.

When you think it's the end
it all starts again -
the love and the hatred,
the fear and the pain.
But this time they're the bricks
in the wall of your life.
They represent achievements,
not struggles or strife.
You view them with pride
and a new sense of self.
You've had quite a ride,
and now have real wealth.
You have knowledge and wisdom
and infinite love,
not only from within
but from Heaven above.
You see it's not the end
and begin to have some fun,
In the big scheme of life -
you have only just begun.